Relevance.
Have you ever been in a position where your heart wants something but your mind tells you to not go through with it? Of course you have. Everyone has. I am facing a such a dilemma right now. Everything is against my hearts wish, I know this but still… I can’t help but to feel the slightest hope, the slightest spark that something might actually turn out good. Oh, so many times you have wanted to cross that bridge and it all seems well until you realize that the last pieces of wood is missing. You can’t continue and you can’t go back, you will only.. wait for the big wave to sweep you off your feet and carry you deeper down into the river. But that’s also a new beginning. A new part of your life that takes form, a new adventure and adventures we must all take. Perhaps you’d stay on safer grounds not knowing of what could’ve happen or not. Maybe regretting your decision of not being able to know what the outcome could’ve been even though you’d might be able to guess. Or… You take the big leap, either ending up on safe grounds discovering the land you’ve just conquered or being dragged into an even bigger adventure by the big wave of emotions, making you at some point end up at the shores of awakening.
I am at loss to know what I should choose. It’s not often when I come to like someone and certainly not this… bad. It has happened 1 time before or to be precise 1 1/2.
I always want to see the ending of things. Horror films for example. I’m a poof when it comes to that, always looking through my fingers and trying to predict what would come next or how it would end. However… Doesn’t it always end in another way that we have expected it to do? I suppose.
I think… I will just remove my hands and see clear, gripping the sides of the bridge for balance as I throw myself out to the hands of Destiny, or to say the Norns.
Iðunn
The Corwin
Christopher McCandless
I miss someone. No, I miss a lot of people. People I have known for years, people I have had the opportunity to talk to, people that I haven’t met.
One might wonder; how do you miss someone you haven’t met?
It is very much possible. A grandmother you have heard about all your life for example or a fantasy creature you have created from your own imagination. We would only need to know something that would leave a mark of interest, in which we would create an image as we would try to picture it before us and the very picture would then be stored for later use and probably pop up as a picture of reality.
There are a lot of people that are confident about being happy while being alone. That they aren’t missing anybody in their lives and that they never will. I believe that this is another deceit of the human mind. We are created by nature and the human species is bound to travel in groups to belong to a community like so many other animals on this Earth. We are a social being.
I, myself was almost convinced that I would be happy alone because no one would be able to hurt me and then I wouldn’t be able to hurt others, consciously or unconsciously.
But I was so wrong.
It’s a statement of defence. We are running from something we don’t want to face and create a lie, telling ourselves that it SHOULD be like this, that we actually LIKE this. It could take days, weeks, months or even years for people to face, what I’d like to call it, themselves. Yes, it’s their own decision they run from, their own decision to fool themselves just to make some “peace” in our chaotic lives but the tricky part is… that we don’t know. We can’t realize that it’s bad, that it’s our minds putting up a shield for protection, until we break free from it. Maybe we won’t even realize it then since the time span from putting the pieces of the shield together into making it whole and strong is so slow that we’d never ever notice what’s going on. We’d might feel that something is unusual and be worried about it but we would more likely blame it on something else than ourselves.
[Don’t we all feel better when the World is on our shoulders and we have but one person (or a pet) sitting next to us? Talking or not talking doesn’t matter. We belong to each other.]
(Source: d3uces, via traaceybui)
How do we know when we should decide for ourselves? How are we brave enough to take the leap which would lead us to another World? How do we know what’s best? How do we choose?
There are no answers for the questions above since we can’t foresee the future. Then why are we afraid of the future which we don’t know about? It’s nothingness. A big black empty door of nothingness. Anything can happen at any time and so we try our best to read the signs of tomorrow and as we interpret these signs we become scared or brave, happy or sad, anxious or content about the nothingness we have created before us.
We have expectations of our nothingness and often the expectations shatter since there are million’s of possibilities and meetings around the World which affects us. We feel bad about ourselves if the expectations aren’t fulfilled, blaming the created nothingness but… why even be disappointed about something that doesn’t exist?
This reality struck me not so long ago. I am the nervous type when it comes to date and expectations are often made, often planned and are so very often a deceit to yourself.
“Carpe Diem” is a phrase that we hear too often but think about too little.
Now I need to tend to my Norwegian lemmings.
Iðunn